Today there was rain and I am okay again

Yesterday I went to a friends gathering. I was so excited I put a lot of makeup and put on a shinny black skirt and a smile on my lips, I was ready for the world. But when I got there and people started to come I started to feel uneasy, lost in my phone while others talked and laughed around. I am not good in parties, but that's mostly because I feel like I'm two seconds away from being a joke and there's something acutely frightening about that. It's funny because I like everybody that was there, I had my friends and nice acquaintances all around the place, they were happy and I was undoubtedly safe, but when I got home I felt so drained one could think I was in a personal war zone. But, only when I went to the city center today to buy some sewing materials and I forgot most of my money and it rained and I didn't have my umbrella with me, I realised I was worrying so much about fitting in I didn't spare some time to be present or maybe just as present as I was when I was laughing and running in the pouring rain with a handfull of new pins and scissors. This is not meant to have a moral lesson, but instead a reminder to myself to live without this constant fear of things going wrong, 'cause they will eventually go in the weirdest direction you can think of, so you can either feel bad and sulk in the wet and dirty streets you pass by or run freely in the middle of random strangers in a chilling saturday morning.

That was that, I think I'll do day 3 tomorrow, so have a nice day and some pitangas for your tears. ^^